Because of You
by el diablo
Summary: Draco Malfoy was never happy with his life. In fact, he hated it. So when his father passes away, he finally gets the chance to tell him how he really feels...Told completely from Draco's pov. Oneshot.


**Because of You **

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling.

**A/N:** Told completely in Draco's point of view.

You knew what kind of life you were making for me father; yet you never stopped to think about what _I_ may have wanted. You only _assumed_ that I wanted to be like you. But I didn't. I never wanted that life. Never.

Of course, when you're brought up in a home that is completely intolerant towards anyone who isn't of their "stature", then it's kind of hard to change your views. I only wonder how I would have turned out had I been introduced to these issues sooner in life.

I know what you're thinking, but I'm serious. A huge shock, isn't it? But come on, would you find it easy growing up with a Death Eater father who was obsessed with killing Potter and bringing back some supposedly dead psycho-path who wants nothing more than to take over the world and cause every living being to suffer?

What am I saying? That probably would've made your day.

I can't believe I ever looked up to you. You were a horrible father. You never cared about me at all, did you? Of course not, the only thing you ever cared about was yourself.

Want to hear something funny? Well, I suppose _you_ won't find it funny; Lucius Malfoy never was one to laugh, unless it was at someone else's misfortune. Honestly father, you were such a jackass. Which brings me back to this "funny" statement. I envied Ron Weasley.

Ironic, no?

Seriously though, he had a _real_ family. We didn't even come close to having what they had. And I know you'd say that they didn't have anything because they were poor and Mudblood lovers and all of that nonsense, but they had something else. They had love.

Love. That's a good one. I never knew the meaning of the word; still don't. But Potter and Weasley knew, as well as Weasley and Granger. Oh what I'd give to be able to feel what they feel, if only for a minute.

Now I'm getting all sentimental and I'm far from what I've come here to say.

Father, I never understood why you turned out the way you did. I mean, if you think about it logically, there is no good reason for joining ranks with Voldemort. Pain and suffering would be all that would come from that. But I forget easily; you _enjoyed_ watching people suffer…even your own son.

That's right, father. I am angry about how you treated me. You led me into the life that you had, wanting me to follow in your footsteps. Well, I've learned a lot these past few years and I refuse to make the same mistakes as you.

I don't want to live my life never knowing what love is. Of course, you had mom so you knew. But she was a pureblood too, and I'm not so sure I want to continue with that "tradition"; it limits my options. I don't want to be with someone because you believe I should, because of who I am; I want to be with someone because I love them for who _they_ are.

And I'm leaving the family "business" behind. It'll only cause more pain and heartache; and I'm not sure how much more of that I can handle. I've definitely learned the hard way to never let things get that far.

You know father, because of your "business" and what you've raised me to be I can no longer show my face around London. No one trusts me. Even after I helped them, they still turn their noses up at me. And you want to know the sad part? I don't blame them.

But they aren't the only one's who don't trust me. _I_ don't trust me. In fact, I don't trust anyone anymore.

See what you've done to me?

And yes, I blame you. Because it _is_ your fault and we both know it.

I remember when I was younger and I started to want to be like everyone else. I wanted to just be normal. But you wouldn't have it. I had to be a certain way, and you made damn sure I was.

I hated you for that.

I never said anything either, because I was afraid. I sat awake at night and I wanted to cry. But I didn't. Because I knew it was weakness in your eyes. So I kept my pain locked up and I faked my way through life.

It's amazing how no one could see beyond the façade I had to keep up for the sake of my life. No one even _tried_ to see a good side of me. They just believed from the very beginning that I was evil…like you. And you want to know why they believed that?

Because you had made damn sure everyone knew who the Malfoy's were; which meant that I had a reputation to keep up.

And I did.

Looking back now though, I see how foolish I had been. Had I only befriended someone else, _anyone_ else, I believe that things would have turned out differently. Or perhaps my life was supposed to turn out the way it did. Who knows?

I certainly never will.

And that's why I decided that I'm going to leave this life behind me. That's right father, I am moving. I am giving up magic and so help me God I will never return to that retched place you called our home.

There is just so much misery in that household, so much guilt; and it pains me to this day to think about it. You would never understand, though. And I don't expect you to; I just wanted you to listen for once in your life.

Or I guess I should say _afterlife_ now, since you are no longer with us.

And whose fault is that? _Yours._

_You_ are the reason for your death. _You_ are the reason mother is dying as well. _You _are the reason I haven't been truly alive in years…

And so, when you died, I was happy. For the first time in my life I felt happiness. And I don't regret the way I felt, because you don't deserve it.

It was your own damn fault that you joined ranks with that bastard, which makes it hard for me to forgive you for how you treated me. I often wonder if you would've been different had you never affiliated yourself with that _thing_.

But I'll never know.

And I've seen your weak side, so I knew that you weren't as strong as you made yourself out to be. I will never forget those nights you'd come home and cry. I bet you never knew I heard you, but I did. Which makes me wonder if _you_ regretted your decisions in life. Because I regret mine. And now _I_ cry at night.

But I found out the truth when you were arrested, and I was forced to take your place. That's when I knew that you really _didn't_ care about me.

And for some reason, I was ok with that. I think it's because I _always_ knew it.

But one thing I can't understand is why you left mother as well. She loved you. Yet, all you cared about was yourself.

So you know what father? I'm glad you're no longer around. I really am. Because I am now free to live my life the way I wanted to all along. The only problem is, I can't do that here. Why? I believe I already told you.

_It's because of you. _

_You_ are the reason I can no longer stay in this country. _You_ are the reason I'll probably never love anyone, nor will anyone ever love me. _You_ are the reason I'll never be able to forget my past. _You_ are the reason I'm ashamed of my life, because it's empty now. And _you_ are the reason I'm afraid.

So good-bye father. Your life may have been cut short, but mine wasn't. And I intend to do all that I can to fix this mess you made of me.

_End._


End file.
